Love? Me? Naah! Never! I am happily married and not a teenager to love someone at this stage of life. Seems so filmi!!!
Well, this is exactly what most middle-aged people would answer, if asked the sensitive question–
“Do you have a friend whom you love as much as your wife or husband?”
Before we can get into the psychology of the feeling of love, let’s see what the dictionary has to say about this word. Here are few definitions as mentioned in dictionary.com
- A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
- A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
- Sexual passion or desire.
- A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
- (Used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
- A love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
- Sexual intercourse; copulation.
As per one of the definitions, love can also be associated with the “feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend”. Then why do we always fall short of words and try to look for a better synonym when it comes to expressing this feeling of love for a friend!!
I remember when I was a teenager, I had this neighbor, a widow, who fell in love at a surprising age of 65 and even got married. Obviously, they didn’t marry for fun or for sexual attraction but for that feeling of togetherness, comfort and deep affection that they felt towards each other, just like the dictionary describes.
While many people found it funny and embarrassing, for the old couple to fall for each other at the twilight of their life, I personally felt it was the best time to look for love since they both needed it. After all it’s just a feeling, maybe a little too special and closest to your heart.
We make numerous friends in the course of life, but not each and every friend is special. There are very few you like and even fewer you really love. Some of these friends may continue to be in your life even after you get married and have kids. Does that in any way reduce the love you once felt for them?? Then why do we feel the need to shy away from this feeling past adolescence and especially if the friend is of opposite sex. How many of us dare to express our feeling of love for that one special friend in our life or have the courage to let them know, “My friend, I Love You”?
The reason being, that most of the time we are scared of being wrongly judged by our peers or the society, for expressing our feeling of love for a friend. After all, the word ‘love’ is such a taboo, especially in our Indian society. Forget about friends, even married couples stop using the word after few years of marriage. Just because they feel they have outgrown their teenage or adolescent appetite for saying “I love you”. LOL!!
Most of us will argue that it’s all about understanding each other and it’s not always necessary to express feelings in words. But my question is, “What’s the harm in expressing your love if you really feel it for someone?”
We rather find it convenient and morally correct to tag our true feelings as “Like” instead of love.
I have two very close female friends and I probably love them as much as I love my wife. In fact, I have known them since the time when I didn’t even know the difference between the words love and like. However, even though they still hold a special place in my life, I have never had the courage to express my love for them, may be because I was unsure or rather pretty sure how they or my wife would react to it!!!
We all know and understand it’s absolutely normal to love your friend but its normal only till it’s not expressed in words. You will always have the benefit of doubt 😉
I once asked my wife what’s her thought about falling in love with a friend and she instantly started thinking about my female friends. Surprisingly, no friend of hers crossed her mind.
Reason is quite obvious. As soon as we hear the word “Love” after having crossed a particular stage of life, we decipher the word or feeling as being something intimate and unethical for someone to express. Incidentally, our Bollywood movies have played a strong role in cementing this misconception and we have been passing this notion through generations.
Don’t you feel it’s perfectly fine to have a friend or a special someone who is as important in your life as your life partner? In fact, I strongly feel that at times, it’s good to have someone in life with whom you can freely discuss things which you may never discuss with your family members.
Sometimes you just need a break from your partner, your kids, your work, to have a carefree conversation with someone who can reciprocate your feelings. It’s only possible when you have a person in life whom you love and trust enough to blindly pour your heart out.
Well, there’s nothing right or wrong about falling in love with someone other than your , what’s important is that we understand and respect the dignity of the relation.
So, if you have that special someone in your life partner, make sure that you let them know of your feeling. Remember, it’s never too late to say “I LOVE YOU”!!!